So, I embarked on my Bucknell life enrolled only in Music Theory I, intending to complete a music minor just because that was the bare minimum that everyone expected me to do. By the end of the semester, it was clear that even that would be too much; I just couldn't bring myself to care about the difference between the Dorian and Midian modes.
Still, despite my bitterness with the gods of music theory and my exhaustion with the world of performing, I couldn't keep myself away from a piano for more than a week or two at a time. By the end of my first undergraduate semester, a trend had emerged. Whenever I was tired, whenever I was stressed, whenever I was emotional, whenever I just needed a break from it all...I would steal away to the practice rooms in the basement of Bucknell's Weis Music building, barricade myself in one of the rooms with a baby grand piano, and just start playing. No sheet music, no practice record, no checklist of music theory terms to memorize. Just me and the 88 ivories.
Over time I began to notice certain recurring melodies that I liked to play and the process began to become more intentional. I never planned on doing anything with it, but I started creating the soundtrack to my life at Bucknell. My process was very idiosyncratic, and honestly very spiritual. I can’t really explain how I do it other than that it is a gift given to me by God; I view my playing as a sort of ongoing conversation and form of prayer between me and Him. I never wrote a note of my music down. Rather, I would just play. If I could remember a particular melody weeks or months later, I figured it was probably worth keeping. Bit by bit, a Matt-Tilford-at-Bucknell musical narrative began to be pieced together. One time someone burst in on me and started applauding, but for the most part my composing and playing went unnoticed, and that was just the way I liked it after all the undue attention I had received in high school and before. (OK, so actually I began to develop a (previously) secret dream of becoming a film composer, but I never planned on consciously pursuing that pathway, and still don’t).
However, as my last Common Ground retreat approached in the fall of 2010, I began to consider sharing my work at last. I had grown particularly fond of the piece I had composed to represent CG, and thought it might be worth playing on the old upright at the Cowan Conference Center where the retreat was held. The night before the retreat I wandered into one of the basement practice rooms and played the song one last time, characteristically indecisive about whether or not to share it. Midway through the piece, an as-yet-unbeknownst-to-me-Bucknell-female-student wandered into my practice room. We introduced ourselves and she asked me what I was playing. I responded, “Oh, I don’t know, it’s just something I made up.” She said, “It’s beautiful,” and then left. I took that as a sign that the piece was worthy of being shared, and did indeed play it as part of Breaking the Silence.
The reaction to the piece was more than a little bit overwhelming. In addition to positive compliments, I was surprised when a large handful of CGers also asked me if they could have a recording of it. The thought of recording any of my work to share had not even crossed my mind at that point, but when I got back to Bucknell I decided to oblige. I wandered back into the practice rooms, this time with my woefully inadequate handheld digital recorder, and came up with a satisfactory recording after a few too many attempts (I’m still trying to unlearn my perfectionistic tendencies).
Despite the perfectionism, I had fun and I wondered whether those same folks might be interested in hearing more of my music. I decided to go ahead and record the best of everything I had up to that point composed during my time at Bucknell. The results can be found on 100+ personalized CDs as well as the videos below. Come Together can be considered the soundtrack to Common Ground at Bucknell and/or my personal journey through 3 ½ years of undergraduate education. Stylistically, the music is most similar to a movie score. I heard a full orchestra in my head as I was playing it and consequently I’m not sure that the full effect is always achieved. The most common criticism I’ve received for the music is that it is repetitive, but that is absolutely intentional! Like a movie score, Come Together has various themes and motifs that recur and develop as the musical narrative progresses from beginning to end. It is also important to be aware that these are NOT professional recordings- background noise and imperfections can be heard throughout. But, I think the character of the music shines through nonetheless.
In the next post down, you can find the music. It is presented in multimedia video format with text and pictures accompanying the music. I selected one representative picture for each song, with the exception of “After the Levees Broke” (a personal favorite) which contains numerous pictures synchronized to the music. Hopefully the music speaks for itself, but for those who are interested, I have also included a track listing with a bit about what inspired each piece below. Stay tuned to Mateo in Memphis for future posts with similar videos of the music from my 2nd and 3rd CDs (Progress and Transitions) as well as updates on my current projects.
DISCLAIMER: Please, do not use any of the music, photos, or text from these videos without express permission from the composer/photographer/author (me). All rights belong to yours truly. I’m not expecting this disclaimer to be necessary, but you never know with stuff on the Internet.
Video 1
Track # 1- “Enigmatic Paradox.” (0:00-2:12) This overture of sorts introduces the score’s main theme, a simple and repetitive melody that you will hear again many times throughout. This piece fundamentally represents nothing more or less than the mysterious and paradoxical journey that is life. What is life’s purpose? What is the narrative of my life? What is good? What is evil? Will I make choice “A” or choice “B”? Will I be person “A” or person “B”? Who am I now, and who am I becoming? All of these questions and emotions (and more), I attempt to capture here.
Track # 2- “A Difficult Farewell.” (2:13-4:22) Represents my goodbye from the familiar faces and places of the Big Bear Valley; introduces a secondary theme that is repeated in its full statement on the final track (“Love”). Actually, that particular theme is the only thing on this score that I created in high school. One day I was messing around on the keyboard in jazz band when it came to me; that was one of the first times I discovered the joy of composing. This piece also contains a condensed version of the theme I wrote for my final project in that dreaded “Music Theory I” class.
Track # 3- “On the Move.” (4:23-6:28) Attempts to capture the emotions I felt as my mom and I drove across country in the summer of 2007 to move from California to New York.
Track # 4- “Orange and Blue.” (6:29-8:36) Can you say “Bucknell orientation?” This melody becomes another secondary theme that is repeated to represent Bucknell throughout the score. Bucknellians may notice that this piece also contains a snippet of the Bucknell “Alma Mater,” composed by Samuel Sears Merriman (Class of 1886).
Track # 5- “First and Only.” (8:37-10:46) Quite simply, this piece represents the progression of my first and (to date) only committed relationship with a girlfriend.
Track # 6- “Discrepancy.” (10:47-12:46) As my relationship with said girlfriend fell apart, I entered a reflective phase of life and contemplated how I would recapture the joy in my life. This piece attempts to encapsulate that search.
Video 2
Track # 7- “Finding Common Ground” (0:00-2:41)…the piece that in many ways defined my composing, and a definite personal favorite. I started tinkering with this melody after I got back from my first Common Ground retreat in the fall of 2008. I kept tinkering with it for the next two years and did not come up with the final version until the night before CG ’10. I think it succinctly captures all of the emotions one might experience on the five day, four night journey to Cowan and back. This melody becomes the second major theme of the score and you will also hear it repeated many times throughout.
Track # 8- “Change We Can Believe In.” (2:42-4:50) Life at Bucknell goes on after CG 2008. The reference to Obama’s campaign slogan is not coincidental.
Track # 9- “Winter Blessings.” (4:51-7:20) I spent a lot of time tinkering with this piece at home in upstate New York over the Winter 2008 Break. I was trying to write a Christmas-y piece that makes you think of snow-covered fields, stockings hanging over the fireplace, the feeling of joy that comes along with giving and receiving gifts, and the like.
Track # 10- “Unfinished Journey.” (7:21-9:44) Represents my first Civil Rights Spring Break Trip to Memphis in the Spring of 2009. Musically, I was going for a melody that would express at once the journey of our group throughout that week and the entire journey of civil rights leaders over the course of American history. The piece ends somewhat jarringly because, of course, the journey remains incomplete. Injustice continues to abound in America and the world…what are you doing about it?
Track # 11- “The Sound of Summer.” (9:45-11:04) I spent one of the best summers of my life sharing a Gateway apartment with three fellow CGers in the Summer of 2009 while working in the Bucknell library and taking a summer Psychology course. This short piece attempts to capture some of that summer’s shenanigans.
Track # 12- “If Only It Were That Easy.” (11:05-12:01) Title and emotional content of piece taken from a personal conversation with a good friend the night before CG ’09.
Video # 3
Track # 13- “Distracted Ground.” (0:00-3:00) A musical representation of the Fall 2009 Common Ground retreat. Title and emotional content taken from the fact that I had a lot on my mind that Fall Break and perhaps my facilitating was not as effective as a result.
Track # 14- “Falling.” (3:01-4:34) Another seasonal piece…hopefully as you listen to this you can picture things like piles of fallen leaves, the warm aroma of apple cider, and the pangs of unrequited love…
Track # 15- “Sudden Realization.” (4:35-8:00) This piece, perhaps my most self-indulgent, represents an epiphany I had while writing a paper for one of my Bucknell classes. Sounds mundane, but as the music hopefully expresses, it was a pretty emotional realization.
Track # 16- “Manos Que Dan Nunca Estaran Vacias.” (8:01-10:54) (English translation: “Hands that give will never be empty”). This piece represents my experience with the Bucknell Brigade to Nicaragua in January of 2010. The starting point of the piece was a couple of folk songs I heard while in Nicaragua, although I meddled with them so much that they are virtually unrecognizable in this recording. I saw a lot of depressing things in Nicaragua, which is the second poorest country in the Western Hemisphere after Haiti. However, I also saw the power of faith and optimism, and the common human spirit that we all share. I chose to focus on these more positive emotions in this piece, which is all about the beauty of hope and love.
Track # 17- “Not Ready.” (10:55-12:59) Another “I’m-feeling-really-emotional-after-an-intense-personal-conversation-with-a-friend” piece.
Track # 18- “Diplomatic Disharmony.” (13:00-14:52) A musical representation of the Civil Rights Spring Break Trip to Memphis, 2010 and the attendant stresses and joys of being one of the trip leaders.
Video # 4
Track # 19- “Not So Bad.” (0:00-1:09) I complained a lot about Bucknell during my time there, but really, it wasn’t that bad. There was and is so much to love about that place! This piece is simply a short and sweet “ ‘Ray Bucknell” kind of song. Careful listeners will hear another snippet of the Bucknell “Alma Mater.”
Track # 20- “After the Levees Broke.” (1:10-6:54) This one might just be my favorite on this album, and it is the only one that I put multiple pictures to on the video. In May of 2010 I traveled with yet another Bucknell group to do some Hurricane Katrina recovery work in New Orleans. We stayed at Camp Hope, at the site of an old school. There was a beat up, flood-damaged old player piano on the ground floor and one evening after a hard day’s work I came back, sat down at that old piano, and cooked up this jazzy piece. It is a musical tribute to the unique history and culture of the “Big Easy” (one of my other favorite cities), and strives to take the listener on a musical journey through the city before, during, and after the storm (The title is just a tongue-in-cheek reference to that Spike Lee documentary).
Track # 21- “Letting Go and Moving On.” (6:55-11:06) I wrote this piece shortly after watching the Lost series finale (hence the title) at a time when I was quite simply feeling very happy and wanted to express that joy musically.
Video # 5
Track # 22- “Losses and Learning.” (0:00-5:11) A musical snapshot of my challenge-filled Summer of 2010 and the beginnings of Fall 2010 semester (see “My MTR Story” for details). I like to think of the repetitive melody of this piece as my “destiny” theme; you’ll hear it again a few times before the end of the score.
Track # 23- “Risen Above.” (5:12-10:22) Represents the joys of Common Ground 2010 and the semester immediately thereafter, up until the point that I recorded the score at the end of October. Another snippet of the Bucknell "Alma Mater" pops up.
Track # 24- “Love.” (10:23-17:59) If this really were a movie score, this piece would be the end credits suite. You’ll hear most all of the noteworthy themes and motifs again, with a particularly healthy dose of the two major themes from “Enigmatic Paradox” and “Finding Common Ground,” as well as the fully developed version of the secondary melody from “A Difficult Farewell.”
Video # 6
Bonus Track- “Convergence.” (0:00-2:42) By the time I finished recording Come Together, I had realized that, God-willing, I would subsequently record the score to my perpetually un-progressing novel and/or movie project, Progress (a parallel project I had worked on throughout college and, to a lesser extent, in high school). I included this track on the Come Together CD as a preview for that next recording. I am including it here only to be consistent with the CD and because I like this version slightly better than the recording that actually ended up on the Progress CD. For the sake of being mysterious, no picture is included.
